Procrastination Station

I don’t need NaNoWriMo’s procrastination station.  I have an infinite supply of my own. Like this blog.  I should be writing many, many words right now. In my novel, that is.  Instead I’m writing words here.  Because my brain is working like these sentences. Small and random and not well put together.

So here’s my random collection of things to share this evening.

  1. Nano halo with ice cream horns

    Nano halo with ice cream horns

    This is a picture of what I look like right now. I’ve decided this is my Nano halo, complete with ice cream horns.

  2. I am weary. I moved houses, again, today. This is a house I will move out of on Dec. 1st, so I can move back into it on Dec. 15th. And I will live there until at least April.  April!  Oh god! If you want to know how I feel about this, go look at the cover of the latest New Yorker Magazine.  You should seek it out anyway. (Thanks Dale.)
  3. It is ridiculously beautiful in Big Sur right now.  I feel bad for all of you who live in places that are cold and rainy.  It is sunny (not now, because it’s nighttime) and 80 degrees and I did yoga on a deck this morning next to a hot tub, overlooking 180 degree blue blue ocean view. (Thanks Nadine!)  I say this to inspire you all to come visit. Since I will soon have a house. And to say “Thank you god for not making me move in the cold rainyness.” Because today I would have just sat down in the mud and cried.
  4. My friend Mike from London is coming to visit on Monday.  Yea.
  5. I’m having lunch with my friend Chris tomorrow. Yea.
  6. I’m going to Mexico in February. Yea. (Thanks Mom.)
  7. I’m going to San Francisco this weekend to write dangerously, at the Night of Writing Dangerously.  And I found out today I’ll get a prize, for raising all those dollars, from all of you!  Hey! Thanks!  I’m also hoping to march in the streets.  You can too! http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/?t=anon
  8. Which brings me, aptly, to number 8, the post-Prop 8 despairdrom.  Seriously. I have been ruminating much on this. So have other people who are speaking out most eloquently. Namely, Keith Olberman and Joe Solomonese. Please take some minutes and click on both those links. And it seems I have something to say too.

The passage of Proposition 8, which takes away the right of gay couples to marry in California, right there in the Constitution, has been beyond a disappointment to me and so many people I know.

To me it feels personal and it feels mean.  What a pointy contrast to the presidential outcome and The Big O’s message of hope – appealing to the best, most heartfelt, inspired, humble and giving parts of our humanness.

I am sad, but I not at all hopeless. I know in my knowingest knowing that the passage of Prop 8 will be more inspiration for all people, in every state, to engage in a dialog.  And dialog will save the day. Dialog with those who are directly impacted by it is important, but also those that aren’t. Those who think this has nothing to do with them.  Those who think that the rights of someone they haven’t met are not inextricably linked with their own. And it is my fervent hope that this inspires dialog with ourselves.  What an opportunity to discover what our own beliefs and (often subconscious) intentions are bringing to the world!

They say a “value” only changes when two held beliefs come in conflict.  It can be a painful and sometimes lengthy process, but it happens all the time.

Example: I believe the gay lifestyle is wrong.  My son just told me he is gay and I love him.

Whether or not it seems so, I promise, these two statements are fully incompatible.  These incompatibilities force something to shift.

My invitation to you is this. Take an opportunity, right this very minute, to shine a kind and honest light on your most deeply embedded beliefs about love and relationships in general.  All your parts.  Write them down. Your parts will disagree and you may not like some. But in so seeing, we have a chance to more consciously choose which part we want to lead our lives.

Cheri Huber says something to the effect of “You can have a wounded little whiny person in you who just wants to get whatever she wants all the time.  You can love her and listen to her and accept her as a part of you.  But you don’t give her the credit card and keys to the car.”  (I have a part of me who wants to pop other people’s zits.  But I do not let her go to parties.)

Ok then. Remember to check out Joe and Keith’s links.

Back to writing.

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6 Comments

Filed under life, lisa goettel, offerings, politics, writing

6 responses to “Procrastination Station

  1. Karla Goettel

    AAck! You look tired. I think you need a MOM care package! You’re doing so much wonderful work, (even taking time out to speak eloquently about Prop 8.) Remember to take care of you.
    XXOO, Mom

  2. Linda

    Lisa, Picture with ice cream horns does NOT do you justice. To me you are a fresh-faced Laura Ingalls Wilder, dressed in hot pink 😉

    Have a fabulous weekend, get into LOTS of trouble for me, ok?

    love you,
    Linda

  3. if mexico is part of the MOM care package, i would like one as well, please.

    so much moving! i bet you’ve got that process down to precision. but oh so tiring. it is snowing today in des moines. it is good that if you must move, you are moving in pretty weather.

    i really like your ice cream horns.

    and i really think that prop 8 sucks ass. did you know kyle p. and his partner just got married in october? this must feel devastating.

    it does seem to have energized the crap out of people, though. so perhaps it’s serving its purpose after all. like you said, inspiring dialog.

    happy hot tubbing. and writing. (i don’t know about you, but my writing has gotten progressively worse as i near 20,000.)

  4. To follow your instruction, m’dear, I’m looking at my beliefs about love and relationships…and I find that one of them is that the people I love will make me feel complete, make that emptiness inside me disappear. While my rational brain knows that this is not possible, that looking for healing, for comfort, outside of my own skin, is a bottomless pit of disappointment, the child inside me still longs, and will always long, for someone to make it all better. I have two people inmy life, well more, actually, that can make this feeling real for me, but even then, even with these folks, I have to maintain my sense of separate identity and allow them to be who they are, with their needs, conflicts, and failings. So I am constantly reconciling that deep void inside me with my conflicted longing for another’s love to soothe me, with my own self-love, which can feel puny in comparison with my vast longing. I am the Queen of Cups, and my cups are running over, with both love and grief. It’s a bizarre and wonderful combination. My body is my quickest access point, deep in my belly, to feel this compelling mixture. Today, I think I’ll call it the human condition, and not neurosis.
    When I sing with you Lisa, the emptiness goes away, filled with beautiful light instead. For this and many other reasons, I love you!

  5. VFL/BFF

    My favorite things… a hot bath, a glass of wine and Joe Scarbourough, on the TV that my darling husband mounted over the bathtub. Followed up recently by Rachel Maddow, my new girlfriend.

    As for Prop 8, my aunt got married in the summer, we are coming for their reception in April. Love is love and my wedding and all that it stood for was pretty amazing 10 years ago. Everyone should be able to celebrate their love in the way they choose.

  6. VFL/BFF

    Oh NO! I have turned into my mother-transposing pop culture pronouns… Olberman is on before Maddow. I don’t take baths and drink wine before work! (ugh…getting old. And my hair stylist found grey hair today)

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